I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
