and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
