I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
