Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
