i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
