she woke up with a sticky ear
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
