"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
