He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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