What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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