Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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