just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
