it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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