god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
