i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
