I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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