I bet he comes in French.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
COCAINE IS GR8
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
