the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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