She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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