me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
