I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
