I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
