Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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