no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
