it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
