So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
