It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are the jesus of drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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