Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
