I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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