So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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