I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
