she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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