how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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