So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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