you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
