We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
