i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
