I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
