I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
