I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
