and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
