Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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