In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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