Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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