I faked an abortion last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
