he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
