Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
