Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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