I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
