Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
