a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
