I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
