my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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