Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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