drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
