Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
