Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She is in my trunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
