btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
