Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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