I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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