Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
