I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
