I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
