I can't watch pbs sober anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
