I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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