It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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