Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
