wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
