are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And then my night got REAL pukey
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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