he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
